Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Mixed Berry Pavlova

So, I've been trying to write this post for like 2 months now.
I've developed this disease where every time I sit down at my computer 

to write, my fingers can only remember how to type "Netflix."

I appreciate you standing by me through these hard times. 

So anyway. I made this cute thing. It's called a Pavlova. 
I would file it under the "Not-so-hard-really-fancy-looking-dessert" category for sure. 
It looks like something you'd eat if you were invited to like a 
Presidential baby's birthday party, or something. 
Classy out the wazoo. 
It also sounds good when you say it in a wide array of accents, 
which gives it several additional fancy points. 

"Fancy, yes. But what does it taste like?" you ask. 
It tastes like an angel food cake wrapped in a toasted marshmallow, that's what. 
And it is a lot easier to put together than trying to squish an angel food cake 
into an actual toasted marshmallow, so i'd say it's worth a try. 


1 ¼ cup granulated sugar 
2 tablespoons cornstarch
6 large egg whites
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

-Using a handheld electric mixer or Kitchen Aid, beat the egg whites on a medium speed until they start to froth. Slowly add the corn starch, salt and sugar and continue to beat the egg mixture on a medium high speed. Continue to whisk the egg white mixture until it becomes thick and shiny and forms fairly stiff peaks. 

-Cover a baking sheet with parchment paper. Using a rubber spatula or a spoon, dollop the mixture onto the
baking sheet in the shape of a circle. You are going to want your circle to be about an inch high, or else your finished pavlova will be too thin and crunchy. Swirl the surface of the mixture to look nice and smooth, and make a shallow well in the center to hold the toppings.

-Bake for 50 minutes at 300* F. Once it is finished baking, turn off the oven and let
the pavlova cool with the oven door cracked open for 30 minutes. The pavlova will condense
and crack in this time, but that is part of the fancy magic. Fret not. 

-After it has cooled in the oven for 30 minutes, top your pavlova with whipped cream and seasonal fruit. Then eat it all in one sitting, because you are an adult. 

Until the next, babes!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Chia Seed Juice Drink

So, you read the title of this post.
Don't hang up on me.

This isn't a I-actually-know-what-pilates-is-I'm-on-a-juice-cleanse
kind of juice.

It's a I-want-people-to-think-I'm-healthy-and-also-feel-like-i'm-drinking-jello
kind of juice.

I'm definitely not the most health-conscious eater in the land, but hey!

I live in a world where you can't just be hot.
You have to be SO hot that you make a dragon want to retire.

I walk a pretty fine line between
"you look like that girl from the hunger games"
"you look like the chubby-cheeked little sister from Shameless"
and, y'know, maybe I'd like to stay on one side of that line.

I need all the help I can get!

Thankfully this protein/fiber/antioxidant/magic packed thing

I drink so many of these beautiful things that my cashier Ron
at Trader Joe's jokes
"Didn't you just buy 5 bags of these? What are you doing, drinkin' em?"

Yes, Ron. Yes I am.

I fell in love with this stuff when I was making my
 free sample rounds at a Whole Foods in college.
It had a weird jelly texture and sort of looked like it had bugs floating in it,
but it was delicious and I was hooked.

Brands like Synergy and Mama Chia make great pre-made options,
but tend to run on the $$$$ side.
SO I learned to make them myself and it was all too easy.
It's as simple as allowing a few tablespoons of chia seeds to soak in water or tea,
and then stirring a bit of juice into the mixture.

These things are awesome for breakfast or a snack 
or when you want to drink the entire jug of juice 
and need something to stop you from doing that. 

Here's the recipe that I use! 
You can sub out the tea for your tea of choice (or water!) 
and any juice will work (although orange juice isn't my favorite for this.)


1c. white peach tea
3 tbsp. chia seeds
1c. mixed berry juice


-Brew the tea and allow it to cool slightly. 

-Stir in the chia seeds and continue to stir the mixture until the seeds start to soak up the tea. (This will keep it from being clumpy.)

-Once the mixture is super thick, stir in the juice.

You can also make a big batch of the chia/tea mixture to keep in the fridge! 
It keeps for about a week and makes the process much faster
for when you get obsessed with making these and feel the need to drink
3 every day.

You will have all of the fiber. More fiber than anyone.

Until the next, dears!

Thursday, April 9, 2015

If that's what you're into..

I have been getting requests from readers lately to share more 
of my personal life on here.

First of all, getting requests made me feel fancy. 
I have readers? I have readers!

However, I have been hesitant to share personal details of my life for one big reason.

Blogs generally tend to make life seem very glamorous 
and perfect and easy to the viewer.

That's bullshit. Nobody's life is like an "Amelie" trailer 
all of the time. 

So in the nature of that conversation, I bring to you 

Life vol. 1 - Things that are helping me survive the quarter life crisis!

1) Memoirs of awesome ladies-
Awesome successful ladies write memoirs to tell all of us fumbling young kids the miserable stories of their adolescence. Y'know, to make us feel better about ourselves. Tina Fey worked at the YMCA front desk when she was my age, and now she's Tina Fey. You can handle this.

1) Not Your Mother's Dry Shampoo- 
Waking up is hard. Waking up early enough to shower every day is even harder. This dry shampoo is my best friend when I wake up with 10 minutes to get ready for work (a lot. Okay, pretty much every day.) I have tried a few kinds and this brand is my favorite so far. It makes your hair feel clean and soft. 

1) Following donut shops on Instagram- Life is too short not to see 6 pictures of donuts every time you look at your phone. It will turn your mood around 100% of the time.

1) Joy the Baker Podcast- I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day. That is a ton of hours. While I am usually a fan of podcasts that teach me wealths of knowledge or talk about murder,
I gotta say that this one kills hours like NO OTHER. It is just a podcast of 2 friends shootin' the breeze, but I throw it on at work and an hour goes by in NO TIME.

What are your life crisis vices?
 That would probably make a good hashtag, if I were cool enough for hashtags. 

Until the next!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Carrot, Orange & Ginger Margaritas

This story all begins with juice.

I was on my lunch break at work, grabbing food 
from a nearby healthy food place.
I went there because a co-worker of mine had given me a 
gift card to the restaurant for Christmas.
I think that she got it for me because she caught me eating
the leftover pinto beans from the Chipotle catering
right out of the serving pan at my desk one time,
so she probably thinks that I'm a very healthy person. 


For a girl who primarily subsists off of mini bagels,
ordering a big ole bowl of quinoa and vegetables 
felt like an accomplishment to be celebrated.
So, I tacked on a fancy overpriced juice to my order
for a little personal achievement reward.

The words "I paid more than a dollar for juice"
are grounds for ex-communication in my 
blue-collar meat-n-potatoes family, so this also added a
sense of danger and excitement to my yuppy 
lunch extravaganza. 

Back at the office, I sank into my desk chair and slugged back 
4 dollars worth of juice faster than a chubby kid
that realized his Lunchable came with a Capri-Sun pouch.
Maybe it was due to the fact that it was noon on a Wednesday and I was at work, 
but all I could think about when drinking the yuppy juice was..

"This would taste great with tequila!"

And thus, this margarita was born.

This margarita is great because it is rich and flavorful without being 
so sweet that your stomach hurts after only drinking one. 
The orange and carrot juice work super well together, and the ginger flavor
adds a little spiciness and complexity to the drink.

(Don't tell my dad that I used the word "complexity" in talking about juice. Please.)


2 limes (zested and juiced)
1 1/4 c. orange juice
1 c. carrot juice
1 c. tequila ( I used Espolon Silver)
1-inch chunk of ginger
ginger beer (to top)
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. water

(yields 3 drinks)

This all starts with a little simple syrup. Combine the sugar, water, lime zest, and ginger
in a saucepan and simmer on low until the mixture becomes thick and syrup-y.

Set the syrup aside and combine the tequila, carrot, orange and lime juice
in a pitcher. Stir in 1 1/2 tbsp. of the simple syrup. 
Pour into glasses over ice and top with a splash of ginger beer. 

Until the next, babes.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Hanging Succulent Planters


You give them all the love and care that you can
remember to give them.

But sometimes your green thumb isn't feeling super green
and "I watered it yesterday, I think" 
might actually mean
"It is possible that I may have watered this plant at some point."

You're a houseplant assassin. 

It's okay.

There are succulents.

Succulents are pretty impossible to kill.
Unless, you know, you step on them with cleats or only water them 
with well tequila. 

But you wouldn't do that because you're a great
semi-commited plant mother.
And now you can have the joy of live plants in your home
with these hanging succulent planters!


Clear bulbs- I used these 
(but i've also seen them made with plastic fishbowls and eye hooks)

Succulents- 1-2 per planter
(Smaller sizes are better, the larger ones don't fit through the opening as easily.)

Small rocks- For water drainage
You can get these in bags at the craft store (or outside, like a pioneer.)

Potting soil- Because plants.

Yarn, twine or string- for hanging


-Place a small handful of rocks at the bottom of the bulb.
These rocks will help keep the plants roots from sitting
in too much water when you remember to water these plants.

-Cover the rocks with a thin layer of soil.
 You will add more once you've positioned the plant in the bulb.

-Break up the soil and the roots at the base of your succulent plant.

-Place the succulent in the glass bulb and cover the roots with soil
so that it's firmly planted.

-Thread your string or twine through the hole at the top
and hang your new, live, plant wherever you want!
(as long as that place has a good amount of sunlight.)

Plant away, folks!
Until the next!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Fried Oyster Po Boy

 I can't take a bite of a sandwich without 
feeling like Guy Fieri.

I know a lot of people eat sandwiches, but that dude is probably
the most documented sandwich eater of all time. 

He goes in for a bite like he's trying to surprise the sandwich.
He'll start bending his knees a little while he stares it down,
 and then he'll go full force into the sandwich
with his mouth as wide open as 
a curious toddler trying to fit a doorknob in it's mouth.

He generally emerges with some sort of sandwich element clinging
to his face, at which point you almost can't tell the difference between this
television celebrity and the drunk man you just saw trying to eat
part of a Subway sandwich out of the garbage. 

"Oh god, that's me." I think. "That's what I look like."

So generally, I'm a little self conscious to jump on the sandwich train. 
But this idea popped in my head the other day and it sounded 
too good to ignore. It's delicious and hearty with fresh, summery flavors.

I did however consume it under the cloak of darkness with nothing
but the soft glow of Friends streaming from Netflix to bear witness.

Baby steps. 


For Slaw-1/2 red onion, very thinly sliced
1/2 head Napa cabbage, very thinly sliced 

For Aioli-

2 egg yolks
1 tsp. white vinegar
1 tsp. lime juice
1 1/2 tsp. sriracha 
1 clove garlic
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1/4-1/2 c. canola oil to thicken

For Oysters-

The meat of 10-12 oysters
1 tsp. Salt
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1/4 tsp. chilli powder
1 1/2 c. buttermilk
1 c. all-purpose flour
1/2 c. cornmeal

Vegetable/canola oil for frying
baguette for serving
wedges of lemon for garnish

Instructions:  Combine all aioli ingredients in a blender or food processor with the
exception of the oil. Blend the ingredients together and slowly drizzle the oil
into the mixture while the blender is running on high. Keep adding oil until the mixture
is thickened to the consistency of mayonnaise. 

Toss your thinly sliced cabbage and onions with a few spoonfulls of the aioli. 

Refrigerate the slaw and the remaining aioli while you prepare the oysters.

To prepare the oysters, place the drained oyster meat in a bowl and cover with the buttermilk. Let the oysters soak for 5-10 minutes. While the oysters are soaking, 

heat a pot of oil to 350*F. I used a frying pan for this because the oysters are small
enough that they don't need much room to move around. 

Combine the flour, cornmeal, salt, pepper and chilli powder together in a paper bag.

Drain the oysters from the buttermilk and place them in the bag. Shake the bag to evenly coat
the oysters with the breading. Fry the oysters 3 or 4 at a time in the oil for about a minute
to a minute and a half on each side.

Slice and toast your baguette or choice of bread in the oven while the oysters cook.
Spread a layer of aioli on your toasted bread and then layer your sandwich with
the slaw and oysters. Serve with a lemon wedge.

**Recipe makes 2-3 sandwiches. 

Until the next, babes.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Chia Seed Pudding

I am terrible at getting up in the morning.


Pathetic? Probably.

But listen, adulthood.
I learned how to file my own taxes.
I own a vacuum cleaner.
Isn't that enough for you?
You can't have all of me.
I still want to buy beer that costs less than a pop from 
an airport vending machine
and eat more freezie pops than dinner sometimes.

You can't take that away from me.

So anyways, I suck at waking up.
This means weekday breakfast generally consists of
Instant oatmeal, mints from the bottom of my purse, or whatever baked
goods people leave out in the break room at work.  
(Do I sound like a yogurt commercial yet? Good.)

That's why I was probably a little too excited 
when I tried this chia seed pudding.
It's healthy as crap, it tastes like dessert, and it requires
NO EFFORT in the morning. 


5 TBSP. Chia Seeds
3 TBSP. Honey
1 TSP. Vanilla Extract
1/8 TSP. Salt
1 1/2 C. Coconut Milk

Instructions:  Combine all ingredients in a bowl. 
Stir thoroughly to remove lumps.
Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour. 
Remove from fridge, give the mixture a good stir, 
and top with fruit, jam, nuts or granola. 

Happy Eating!

Until the next!